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- 💬 When empathy falls flat
💬“I’m very sorry to hear this, ma’am.”
We've all heard some version of this from customer care executives when we've reported negative feedback, or raised a complaint about a product or service.
But these words ring hollow. We know that the person saying this is most likely reading from a script, or saying something because they've been trained to. And that it's highly likely they don't truly mean it.
The words that are supposed to convey empathy become flat and robotic when they are uttered in this way. The script follows a formula: acknowledge how sorry you are to demonstrate empathy to the customer, and then offer them a solution.
As the customer, I've wondered if this sentence is just a way of "softening" the customer so they don't have to offer a genuine solution.
This is where empathy can cross into manipulation: using it as a tool to calm someone down just enough to go ahead with what you've planned to do anyway.
Leaders who show empathy in this way risk losing trust with their teams. People can quickly sense when the empathy isn't genuine.
What’s more effective?
To truly care. To show your empathy when you mean it.
Empathy isn't just about the words. It's something that's felt. This means taking a moment to connect with ourselves (self-empathy) before we connect with others.
When we can practice self-empathy before we demonstrate empathy, our attempts to connect are more authentic, and build trust.
When we can do this, we avoid falling into the trap of people-pleasing (focusing on others' needs at the cost of our own) or manipulation (using empathy as a tool to get others to do what we want them to do).
3×3 Empathy Factors: Bringing empathy skills into organizations
How can we bring empathy skills into organisations in a way that’s both effective and authentic?
I’ve been working with Marie Miyashiro, author of The Empathy Factor to learn exactly this. And I’ll be offering this program in India, starting soon.
This program is for organizations that want to bring more empathy into their teams to build stronger relationships within their teams, and with their clients, partners and vendors. The focus is on practical, implementable microskills that can make a significant difference.
If you work in an organization and would like to understand how this program can help you, reply to this email to schedule a conversation!
Nice or kind?
Watch: The paradox of listening by Amy Cuddy (<1 min)
Read: An animatronic elephant is being used to help students develop empathy for other species
Emotional awareness: This 1967 video shows a group of children from Belfast speaking about their feelings.
Long read: Can the ‘punishment’ of walking in someone else’s shoes help build empathy?
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